Conversation: a reciprocal exchange involving natural, balanced turn-taking patterns of initiation and response around a shared topic of interest. No need for asking whether or not they were real or imaginary…I asked anyway. They were imaginary, but they were also very real. They all started with an accidental slip of my hand and the minor deluge of coffee that followed.
At the time that Michael de Jong and his music entered my life, I was a young, married mother still holding on to the dream of “making it” in the music business. I had finished college, and I was on to my latest pursuit, working for a small record company. Through a class I was taking in the local community college, I was given the opportunity to work for an upstart indie record company called Samsø Records. The idea behind Samsø was to bring music from around the world to the United States. The Samsø label would license and distribute music made by the best of the best from places like Denmark, Sweden and the Netherlands. My job at Samsø was somewhat minor, but I felt like this could be my foot in the door. I did just about anything I could to make a good impression: ran errands, stuffed mail-outs, made mailing labels, ANYTHING. When my boss Louis Jay Meyers (founder of South By Southwest Festival Austin, Texas) gently asked me to jump, I would enthusiastically scream, “How high?”
After a few months of trying to be a music industry “professional”, the record company (and the rest of Austin, Texas) was gearing up for the annual music and media onslaught known as South By Southwest. Our label had a special showcase planned for Southby, including a set from “some guy” named Michael de Jong. I had been working with some of the other artists on our label during that whole week, and the showcase at the end of the week would be the culmination of much of my legwork and my boss’s incredible imagination. All I knew was that I was supposed to show up to the venue, sell merchandise, watch the shows and, hopefully, rub shoulders with some great musicians and industry people. That night, I did just that, but I also fell into what would turn out to be one of the most amazing relationships of my life.
As the evening began, our artists all showed up relatively early. Michael walked in, looked around, and found my boss. Michael was a tall man, very handsome. I noticed the guitar case, and I figured he would be just one more singer-songwriter (Austin is full of them!). They talked for a minute, and, as Michael made his way to a table in the back of the room, my boss made a beeline for me. He told me to find some coffee for Michael, as he was not a drinker, and I should do this as quickly as possible. In the middle of a bar in downtown Austin, I figured finding coffee would be easy. Not a chance! I scrambled to find coffee, and some lovely person finally found some about ten minutes later. I was completely flustered at this point, and my hands were shaking with excitement and anxiety. Would this guy bite my head off because the coffee was so damn late? As I walked to the table with a big smile on my face, I prayed that that fact that I found coffee would make up for the bad timing. I picked up the first cup of coffee and stepped forward to hand the cup to Michael. My adrenaline-filled body did not respond well to that step, and I stumbled, sending a small amount of coffee spilling over the side of the cup and directly into Michael’s lap. I was mortified! He looked up at me with this look of absolute loathing. I wanted to crawl under the table and die over and over again. I apologized profusely, and I begged for forgiveness. I guess that worked because I was still alive and able to walk away from the table.
The showcase went on as planned. I sat behind the merchandise table watching all of the sets. Michael’s set was breathtaking. The crowd was silent during his songs so we could all hear each word that fell from his lips. The applause in between songs, along with the smiles and tears, led me to believe that the rest of the crowd was loving this man’s message as much as I. Michael finished his set to a standing ovation from the audience. He gathered his things, and walked toward the door where I was working. He leaned over the merchandise counter and handed me a business card. He asked me if I would like to meet for lunch the following day at this great restaurant on Austin’s famous South Congress Avenue downtown. I agreed, and he walked out.
The next day, I got dressed in my most unflattering jeans and t-shirt, thinking this was going to be an impromptu business meeting with Michael and my boss. I arrived at the restaurant to find only Michael waiting for me. We sat down and ordered some food and coffee. The conversation was amazing. We talked and laughed…it felt like I had known this man forever. At this point, I realized we were not going to be joined by anyone else, and I then regretted that I had not dressed better. After breakfast, we took a walk down Congress toward the river. We found a bench, where we sat and talked while looking at the people and water running by. At some point, Michael leaned over to kiss me. His anticipation and desire was so innocent and strong…I could feel it just by sitting next to him. It almost felt like being back in high school. I gently refused his kiss, reminding him that I was totally married. Somehow, that impressed him more. We finished our morning with a walk back to my car. We traded addresses, and then he was gone from sight. That was the last time we ever stood face to face.
A day or two later, I received a postcard from Michael, thanking me for a great time. I replied with a letter about how incredible it was for me to meet such an amazing musician, and I thanked him for inviting me to breakfast. The postcards quickly grew into letters, and, over the course of 6 months, Michael and I established one of the deepest, most trusting relationships I have ever known. We wrote about everything…music, our families, our cultures, our fantasies, our opinions, our fears and our dreams. Michael shared things with me that he had never shared with anyone else. He took chances with his heart, mind and soul, trusting that I would never betray him. I opened up my world to Michael in way that I had always longed to do with my husband, but never could. I allowed Michael to reach deep down inside of me and explore all that I had to give. The letters that came and went became such an engrossing part of my life that I could not wait to get home after work to see what had come for me in the mailbox. I kept these letters in a safe place, and I guarded their content with my whole self.
Michael became something of a “dream man” for me at this time. I found in him someone with whom I could bond without ever touching his hands or seeing his face. I found in him the mental, spiritual and emotional partner for which I had hoped to find for many, many years. We gave each other the honest truth about each other’s thoughts and ideas. I felt like he was my other half…more than a “brother from another mother”, more than just a “twin”. He became my soul mate for a little while. For me, this was frightening, confusing and exhilarating. Sometimes, I wondered if the letters were real. Sometimes, I wondered if I would ever keep many of the promises I had made in these letters. Sometimes, I wondered if Michael was real or stringing me along in some game. Most of the time, I allowed the feelings to engulf me, and I had some imaginary conversations of my own about this journey with Michael.
As I said, we wrote about EVERYTHING! We even talked about the prospects of me going to the Netherlands to visit. Problem was, I was still very married, and I had a child to mother. My inner self never wanted to be with someone so much as I did at that time with Michael. Understand, my marriage was a not a happy one, and I was feeling unwanted and unneeded in my life at home with my husband. The only thing that kept me sane was parenting my child, and even Michael’s strong grip on my heart and soul was not enough to tear me away from that. In August, a moment or two of severe tragedy swept through my life, including my husband’s discovery of Michael’s letters to me. At that point, Michael and I stopped writing to each other, and our lives took separate paths. However, the bond of trust between us was never broken, and the reality of those conversations on paper changed us both forever.
As Michael once wrote, “There are many ways to have to have children with someone. Our children are these 10 songs.” He was talking about the songs on his album, “Imaginary Conversation”. Those songs tell the story of our affair on paper. They tell of the friendship that formed over such a short period of time. They speak of the unspeakable feelings we both shared. They tell of the longing, the desire, the true needing that formed in Michael’s heart, and they speak of the confusion, fear and guilt that formed in mine. Mostly, though, they tell of the journey that we took in hopes of becoming something more to each other, and they speak of the gentle reminders of a life together that never would be. These songs are the story of “Imaginary Conversation”. This is the story that changed my world…this is the story that changed Michael. “Imaginary Conversation” is the real Michael de Jong.
By Shannon Darst, Austin, Texas, USA, x-mas 2007
Introduction to the letter of Shannon Darst:
Last night, Chirstmas Eve 2007, I received a phonecall from René Freije and he read to me the e-mail (letter) from Shannon. I wanted to make a few comments:
‘’I remember that moment in time…less then 24 hours. It was my 3rd trip, in as many years to Austin, Texas to play the S.X.S.W. Festival. It was also the time I recorded ‘’Park Bench Serenade’’.
The last two songs had been recorded at Arlyn Studio and I had a few hours to rest before I had to do a ‘’showcase’’ for the American release of the CD ‘’Immaculate Deception’’ (SRA0054), which I had recorded in Austin the year before.
I was sitting at the very back of the club with Eric Taylor talking about doing a future project together when up marched this young lady, who introduced herself and her functions at Samso Records, and than dropped a cup of steaming hot coffee on the table and my lap…the look on her face was priceless!
Accepting my invitation, she met me the next morning for brunch at the Hickory Grill. She came marching in wearing baggy jeans, a baggy sweatshirt and a pair of Ray Boan aviator sunglasses. My first thought was, ‘’ok’’, I’m not understanding this fashion statement’’!
We talked, walked down Congress to the Colorado River, sat on a park bench and talked some more as we watched that old River flowing. What we talked about will remain private. Then she walked back to her car…a gentle hug…and I watched her drive away.
What Shannon did not know at the time was the fact that this was my first one to one conversation with a woman since my break-up with Christa V. Almost 3 years before.
A few days later I found myself back in Dordrecht (NL)…and then the letters started. Suffice to say, those letters and a few phonecalls led to the creation of 10 songs. Songs about loyalty…about desires, dreams…songs about two people caught up in the flow of innocence…songs about two people opening their hearts to each other. Two people sharing an ‘’imaginary conversation’’.
Yes reader, Shannon and I did have ‘’10 children together’’. As I look back over the years, I must admit, I’m proud of those ‘’kids’’. Most of them ‘’grew-up’’, put on fancy clothes and became ‘’last chance romance’’ and moved on in this world. Some never changed and just drifted into private contemptation waiting for the right moment to speak inside of headphones to offer the listener…(fill in the word)
But all ‘’10 children’’ remained true to their ‘’parents’’ …remained true that moment in time when two people took the chance and opened their hearts to each other.Michael de Jong, 25 december 2007, Dordrecht (NL)
p.s. please click-on Imaginary Conversation and listen to the CD, read the lyrics…it is free.